Scholarship HELL

I'm listening to Wolves by Josh Ritter, perching my laptop precariously on my knees as my cat purrs and drools on my hands, and writhes in my lap in search of a friendly pat. I have learned, however, that the best way to interact with her is to ignore all advances - if I pet her, she will be very happy for a few minutes, but then turn suddenly and inexplicably to claw my arm (I have teeth marks still embedded in my arm from this morning)

I spent the day looking for scholarships. Well, actually I've spent the last 24 hours or so just having a ball, and the scholarships bomb was actually only a small part of it. I went to see...... a movie for which I desperately hope I won't be judged, and can I just say in my defense that Kal Penn is REALLY CUTE and he was totally good in White Castle and is totally good in this movie, or would be if it were halfway good. But it's an excellent poke at modern culture in general, I suppose. I'm not even going to say it, though. I'm too embarrassed. So I went to see that with Elise, and we went out to Starbucks afterwards, the one next to the Blockbuster's which I accidentally put out of business. Did I mention that? I had a movie overdue, and so, despising big name corporations, I decided to ignore the notices that arrived persistently every few weeks, reminding me of my $10.81 fee. My logic was that I could pay that fee any time in the future, EVER, and the embarrassment I'd feel then ("You've had this movie out for three years?" "Yeah.... Yeah, I have.") would be my punishment. Not so. We got a very nice letter from Blockbuster's lawyers, stating that they understood that we may have overlooked this fee, and that if we failed to pay it by the end of the month, it would go on my mom's credit record. Did I mention our Blockbuster's card is under her name? So I took a check down to Blockbuster's to finally and embarrassedly pay them back... only to discover that my friendly neighborhood Blockbuster's HAS GONE OUT OF BUSINESS! And I can't help feeling that it's somehow my fault...

So anyway, Elise and I were hanging in the Starbucks next door when in came two friends, quite out of the blue - so we adjourned to a larger corner table and stayed till Starbucks asked us to leave so they could please go home (at about 11:30). Elise and I headed over to another Blockbuster's (so much less convenient!), picked up The Goonies and returned to my house to watch Sean Astin appreciatively. It was a perfect sort of sleepover, where we talked for an hour or two after turning out the lights, and fell asleep rather simultaneously... and woke up (reluctantly) at more or less the same time, unusual for us as I'm an early riser and Elise is the Queen of Sleep. After parting ways for a grand five hours, we met up again to get groceries for a delicious and fun dinner at a friend's house. It's a dinner party we have every now and again, with seven of us, and it's absolutely brilliant. The company is so phenomenal, and the food is always great. Last time the other girls cooked; this time Elise and I helped. I made spinach gnocchi in three-cheese sauce, though it technically ended up being two-cheese because we forgot to put Parmesan on top; it had Fontina and Gorgonzola, and was excellent, if I do say so myself! I actually didn't think it was that great because of my total aversion to cheese, but the gnocchi were light and fluffy and there was just the right amount of spinach to balance out the flavor of sheer carbs that pasta exudes. And at least a few others liked it, so hurrah! A success. I'll post up the recipe sometime. It's one of the Italian recipes I picked up at my cooking class in Italy.

It was in those five hours between hanging out with Elise that I looked at scholarships, and those were definitely the most depressing five hours of my weekend so far. Pretty much all the scholarships seem to ask for people who "show leadership" or are intensively dedicated to community service (I tutor every week at Hillsides, which I guess counts.... but I feel like the scholarships are looking for someone who actively pursues community service at every turn) or are a minority. So after feeling really bad about my ability to be a leader (I AM A SHEEP. Baaaa.), and the fact that I only dedicate an hour per week to community service and haven't gone to Union Station in months because I always end up being tied up at the last minute, and the fact that I am the following VERY WHITE minorities: Irish, Scottish, German, Polish, Ukrainian, and Viking; after all that negative energy regarding my identity and the feeling that I don't try hard enough, or am not unfortunate enough, I said "Screw this!" and had an epiphany. I googled writing scholarships, and BABY, I am going to try and win one of those copious writing contests! Because that is something I love to do, I would actually be happy taking part in such a scholarship, plus it would feel more like a project than an extension of college apps. And hey, I've just started a cool new story! Who knows where it'll go.... but it could feed a contest that wins me college money!

One of the scholarships that rather irked me was an essay about having a parent die, and the psychological repercussions. It's funded by Life Insurance. There's just something about that that seems to define the awful level of competition in scholarships nowadays. Even something really awful, like a parent dying, becomes competitive - "how much money can I earn for my assessment of that awful experience?"

Blagh! The cat has drooled on the mousepad. How typical. But meanwhile it is definitely time for me to go to bed. I'm getting up early tomorrow!

Labels: college, writing

posted by Holly @ 11:28 PM