Rant after being awake for a full 14 hours (ouch, man.... ouch)

I AM SUCH AN EFFING SOCIAL RETARD. Merrr. I am very good at sitting silently and observing, except I'm not that wonderfully hilarious silent observer who, after an entire evening of silence, says something totally thoughtful and/or brilliant and/or philosophical and/or totally insightful and/or etc.... no, I just sit silently, and at the end of the evening I say "Thanks for the dinner!"

First day at my new job. It was a little awkward, really just because it's the fifth and final week of the program and I'm just catching the tail end of it, and everyone already knows everyone else. But the kids are cute (there are way fewer than at SEP!), and after work today I went to the St. Ignacius Day mass with Marisa, and it was amazing, even though it was in Spanish and I only understood half of it. Make that four different languages I've now attended mass in: English, Italian, Spanish and German.

Then all Marisa's coworkers (mine now, too, I suppose), and I went out for dinner, at which point I sort of sank into that silent mode which must drive people who know me NUTS. Not that I wasn't enjoying myself, which is what must have come across. I was enjoying listening to everyone and what they said and how they said it.... I think I'm deathly afraid of people judging me if I should happen to say something stupid, so I tend not to say anything till I get an idea of where I can pipe in and sound knowledgeable. I HATE people like that, incidentally. And yet I don't even do it purposely. The thing I dislike most about myself, I suppose. That bedamned silence!

posted by Holly @ 10:57 PM