Determination

So everything has not been solved since yesterday, when I had to remind myself to breath so as not to be frantic, but a few developments have occurred which are making it a little easier to sit back, relax, and smile. What's been freaking me out is the commitment I made to a Caltech professor to help him do a project in conjunction with my school - it involves doing a survey of all the students and then following up with an experiment of sorts with the 5th and 6th grade (nothing sciency and alarming, but rather questions based on their answers to the survey). Well, the survey asks about friendship networks, which to my mind is a little awkward (list up to eight of your friends) - what if they don't have eight friends to list? What if girls list others as their friends, and are not listed in return? Touchy, but hey, it's for the sake of science.

Anyways, I wasn't receiving any help in organizing this at Westridge. My job is to talk to the administrators, get the survey okayed, talk to teachers and find out when is best to give the survey, and then talk to my own teachers so that I can work out with them when I need to leave class to administer the survey. When talking to Dr. Goeree at Caltech, it seems easy. When alone and unaided at Westridge and faced with a slew of teachers who probably don't want to lose a lot of lesson time this close to the end of the year, as well as administrators who have bigger things to think about than a pesky little survey, it seems pretty daunting.

All week I've been feeling as though nothing will come of this, that my attempts to communicate with teachers and find out who is willing to give up lesson time, and whether the administrators will okay the survey, is all quite futile. I feel like I've been beating my head against a brick wall, simply because I don't know who to talk to, and I don't feel comfortable asking teachers for class time. And, well, no one's really making it easy. I'd really like someone to just tell me what to do and whom to talk to, but I guess that kind of defeats the purpose of getting older, and doing more independent work. I've committed to a tough project, which involves talking to a lot of administrators, being a diplomat of sorts between Caltech and my school. And that puts me way out of my element, which is actually something pretty valuable in the end, I suppose. I'd really rather just do research on mold spores, research which doesn't involve email after email after email trying to arrange and plan and organize. But here I am doing just that, and now that things are finally beginning to fall together (just beginning, knock on wood - I don't want to jinx it, since it's only just starting to look up!), it feel amazing. As it's not something I feel comfortable with, that I will have done it will be that much more exciting.

I've got the lower school surveys okayed, and am starting with them on Monday; I still have to work out the middle school surveys, which are slightly less important; and then, least important, the high school surveys. And so far I'm on schedule - I told Dr. Goeree at Caltech that I would try and start surveying next Monday, crossing my fingers behind my back. After all, that was pretty immediate for such late notice, and I wasn't sure if the administration would support me. I really expected to have to email him and tell him that I couldn't start for another week or so more. But lo and behold, gradually it's coming together. I have not let down Dr. Goeree, and I'm even happier about that than that it's working out - I feel proud that I haven't messed up, and that I'm holding my end opposite a Caltech professor.

This ant picture is from the space gel ant farm I got my mom for Christmas. It's pretty chill. When scientists sent ants up in space, they discovered that dirt just floated around and was no use for the ants, so they developed a clear blue-ish gel that serves as food, water and dirt for the ants, and does not float. I attached the picture to this post because those little gals are just so determined, so focused - they are distracted by nothing, even though their lives seem so pointless. I have a lot of admiration for them, and the steadfast way in which they tunnel deeper and deeper into the space gel, building a tiny, queenless colony. So, when I begin to feel overwhelmed, I suppose I can remind myself of these gals. No matter if anyone make it hard for me to do this survey, or if it's difficult to coordinate with all the teachers, I'll just plow on. After all, these ants do too, and in a significantly less exciting environment.

Labels: Westridge

posted by Holly @ 4:16 PM